HOAX: global warning

About HOAX

Exxon-employed workers spiff up an Alaskan beach.

Like the fierce raptor in our banner, we take pride in the fact that ours is a carnivorous approach to resource management. Resources were put there for use by humans during this sliver of geologic time and for those living in this single geographical location. As the founding country of petroleum usage, it is only fair that the world recognize the great gift we have bistowed on humanity, and quit griping about our bloated life styles. After all, we deserve it!

You see, its all about jobs. From the tow-headed paper boy delivering the daily troutwrap, to the multinational CEO in the board room. Plus all the millions of minions in between! The Carbon industry keeps many employed and working for a better and more profitable tomorrow.

As new "innovations" pop up, we quickly squash them if they are in direct competition with us. If not, we aquire a controlling interest or produce a marketable substitute. Like that Diesel character and his vegetable oil engine. He almost gave us a run for the money! Fortunately our researchers were able to develop a synthetic vegetable oil from petroleum, nipping that one in the bud. We even named it after him! Ha!!

The bleeding heart liberals will bemoan the lack of fossil fuels in the future. Nothing left for "our children." By then, we fully expect that Captain Whizbang and his team of researchers will have perfected the unobtainium fusion reactor, ushering in a brave new hydrogen-fueled world and rendering all former sources of energy obsolete. After all, these new free energy technologies have been ten years down the road for the last half century! In the meantime, we plan to keep pushing fossil farts, and misleading the general population about climate change, peak oil and unproven energy schemes like solar, wind and hydroelectric.